Positivity- No, it's not all sunshine and rainbows
If you're like me you have probably rolled your eyes at the notion of 'positivity' at least once. I used to loathe the idea of positivity because it felt like it was a naive idea, not based in reality. I have had many clients stare back blankly when I discuss this subject so I get it, it is frustrating to have a legitimate problem and someone responds "try being more positive" or "look on the bright side". This brand of optimism is not what positivity is really about. We cannot ignore a negative reality, expecting it to disappear or magically resolve itself.
Similar to all balanced concepts in our world, positivity could not exist without negativity. The whole point of positive thinking is to acknowledge the reality of a situation (including the parts we don't like) and figure out how we can move forward- not getting stuck in the negative mindset of helplessness.
If your car was broken down on the side of the road and your cell phone was dead- how would you proceed? The negative view would be to give up, get frustrated and complain about all the things that have gone wrong this week. Blind optimism would ignore the problem and say to themselves that "everything is fine" or "it is a beautiful day anyways, I'll just sit here". Someone taking a positive mindset would assess and move forward to resolve the issue. Being positive means you acknowledge the frustration and obstacle that you are facing. But you take it a step further and use your skills to navigate the situation.
How does this apply to your life?
When you are confident in your abilities to handle life's challenges you move through the world with a more positive stance. You realize that things will happen that are not fair, easy or pleasant. Despite this reality, you are dedicated to pushing forward and not giving up. Many times, I see clients who have devastating life circumstances. Positivity does not mean that they can smile their way out of trauma or poverty. On the contrary, it means that despite the harsh reality that they face- they can move toward a less stressful outcome. Positivity is about movement in a better direction, and that includes learning to manage life's stresses.
Part of positivity is believing in yourself. A positive mindset recognizes that life has pain and suffering but most things are temporary. If the issue is long-term, learning to cope is even more critical. With confidence in ourselves and a proactive attitude, positivity allows us to envision a better future.
How can I start thinking more positively?
We have all been in that headspace where nothing seems to make us feel better. Our mind spins all the "what if" scenarios of things not going our way. We remember all the times we have been knocked down and reminded that life is not a walk in the park. Our thoughts are the igniting force behind our emotions and actions. When we get stuck in negative states of mind, we are feeding negative emotions and will start acting in the same negative or self-defeated ways.
Think back to the broken down car example. Thinking "this is pointless" will cause someone to feel hopeless. But if a person shifts their thoughts to something positive such as "I can walk back to the gas station", they have moved into problem solving and improving their situation. When faced with a challenge we have to choose to push through. Unfortunately, many of our obstacles are our own to navigate. Although other's can support us, our personal role is much more involved.
When you catch yourself getting stuck in a negative pattern of thoughts STOP. Take a breathe, change your body position or distract yourself another way- then think of something more helpful. Worry, dread and anger rarely help us think clearly enough to solve a problem. If life is weighing on you, the last thing you need is a negative thought adding to the pressure. You are capable, and the days that doesn't feel true, seek out the help of your support system.
Check out these helpful sites for:
Stress reduction ideas https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/16-ways-relieve-stress-anxiety
When you don't feel supported https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-things-you-can-you-feel-lack-support.html