Do you feel stuck reliving the same patterns?
Many people like the comfort of things that are familiar- we stick to what we know because it is safe. Our brains like to repeat patterns and within our mind this is usually the path of least resistance. Each time we act a certain way, that path within our mind becomes easier to follow. Neural pathways in our brain are similar to trails in a dense forest- the more we travel a certain route- the more ingrained it becomes. Repeating patterns can also be our brain's way of trying to get resolution. We are drawn into the same situations and want to change the ending. This resolution can bring a sense of peace, so our actions may lay the foundation for us to repeat scenarios in the hopes of gaining closure. The issue is that there are multiple ways to get closure and move forward but we (unsuccessfully) continue to try the same way.
For some of us, even if life shifts we tend to revert back to past behaviors. This can look different for everyone, the key part is the subconscious need to repeat the same patterns. When these old patterns are no longer good for us they can become self-destructive and limit our growth. A relatable example of re-living patterns is if you have ever found yourself dating the same person/ similar people with it repeatedly ending poorly. Another example is if you grew up with a hectic environment or constant drama it can be uncomfortable navigating life during times of peace. For this reason, you may find yourself drawn to instigating or causing situations that could be against your best interest. For people who grow up in these environments, many prefer chaos because it is familiar and they know how to manage it.
Breaking the mold and leaving behind those behaviors can be uncharted territory. Without a firm idea of HOW to change our path many people seek the comfort of what they know. Unfortunately, this can mean that we stay with a partner we know is no good for our mental health, we feel stuck in toxic work environments where we are not appreciated, we keep on doing the same things expecting something to change. In order to change our circumstances we have got to learn to act differently, not just expect things to fall into place.
Where do I start?
To start, make a list of the patterns you have noticed in your life. Self-reflect honestly to pinpoint things such as: picking the same argument with multiple partners, entertaining people within your life that bring you down, making decisions that lead you farther from your goals and doing the same thing but expecting a different outcome. In order to create a shift in old patterns we must be honest with ourselves when reflecting. This takes a willingness to confront our unhealthy patterns and accept ourselves.
We often move through the world with blinders on- especially when it comes to taking a look in the mirror and noticing our own harmful behaviors. We can find resolution by forging a new path and letting go of the pain the past left us with. People get to this point in varying ways. It takes courage to try something new and create a new path towards the healing you want.
Relationships are at the heart of healing
For some of us we heal through self-love, community, therapy, forgiveness, friendships or some combination of these all. A common factor in each of these examples is the meaningful connections we build. Build supportive relationships- this means with yourself too! Emotional safety helps us to try new ways of breaking old patterns.