Strong Black Women- It’s time to let go
As a kid I heard “strong black woman“ frequently, I always thought it was a compliment and threw myself into trying to be her. We think if we push hard enough people will see our worth, we can provide for our family or prove people wrong if they hate us. Come hell or high water, we are going to make it. This can be a trick of our self critical nature. You might be thinking “my striving to be better is the key to my success“ or some excuse of why you want to keep it around. The truth is beating yourself up to be perfect is not your super power- it is hate in disguise. It’s easy to be mean to yourself when you keep thinking it serves a purpose.
While that critical part of you is wrecking havoc it has you convinced you would not be special without it. There is so much pressure to be better and never let anyone catch us slippin. Be strong, dont cry, keep pushing through because we can handle it. But is that the only way? If it tears us apart in the process- if we become so disconnected from ourselves is that how we are meant to live? The most important relationship we will ever have is the one we cultivate with ourselves- let’s make sure it’s loving.
Placing impossibly high standards on ourselves leaves no room for compassion. So here we are, doing amazing things, crushing goals, breaking barriers- but being so judgmental of ourselves in the process that we can’t really enjoy those wins.
We feel like we must juggle it all alone for our accomplishments to count and don’t reach out for help because we’re worried about seeming weak.
Being a strong black woman is tiring, so rest. Rest into the unknown of where life may bring you. Trust that you can handle hardships and if it becomes too much there are people who can support you. The troubles of the world keep us busy bustling towards the next big thing, next promotion, next life milestone, next paycheck - that leaves hardly any energy for us to just be. It is in that stillness that we connect with ourselves.
For a long time I thought I was done being strong- I’m exhausted. But the more black women I have helped on this journey the more it has become clear that it takes a different type of strength. It takes softness and vulnerability. It takes us having the strength to be honest with ourselves.
When we release self criticism and shift into different ways of talking to ourselves and motivating ourselves without the harshness- the world opens up. And I want that for every strong black woman.
JOURNAL PROMPT: If you could let go of being hard on yourself, how would you be able to show up for yourself?
