Is the anxiety of being a military spouse stressing you? 5 quick tips to help manage

With all the fears surrounding the most recent government shutdown and potential for military families to go without pay- it seemed like a good time to talk about the anxiety related to being a military spouse. Fear of the unknown is universal and being married to a service member brings constant unknowns. Military spouses know how hopeless it can feel when so many aspects of life are out of our control. Questions like where will we move to next? will we know anyone there? what will the new command be like? what if I cant find a job when we move? will our kids adjust well? will my spouse get deployed? -are anxiety producing thoughts that come up on the regular.

Preparing to move to a new duty station can be very stressful- not only do marital arguments increase as tensions rise but if you have children you are also helping them manage the emotions from being uprooted once again. Beyond the stress of moving there are also lots of stereotypes about military families and spouses. Yes, people will say "Thank you for your service" but at the end of the day are they willing to employ a military spouse who can be relocated due to forces out of their control? Are they willing to take the time to understand the complex home life of military families? Military life has it's own culture and many people are quick to make judgements without understanding that context. The lack of understanding by others can be very isolating. The impact of this ignorance can range from being frustrating to depressing. Naturally military spouses band together but there comes a hesitation with not knowing if these friendships might bring unwanted drama. In small communities that is what happens, and even worse that drama can follow your spouse into their work life. Sometimes it feels like the easiest option is to close ranks and only socialize to an extent. Frequent moves, lack of public understanding, the struggle to make friends and supporting our spouses all take a mental toll.

It would be impossible to touch on all the pieces that come along with being a military spouse so this post is the first in a long line. In the meantime here are 5 simple ideas to help you in starting to manage the stress that this life can bring.

1. Find community: As difficult as it can be to find friends that you trust, seek out community- even if it is online or through friends from past duty stations. Having the support of others makes it easier to laugh off stress, share challenges, swap stories of other people not understanding and build each other up.
2. Get professional support: Using Tricare or EAP to find therapy can be nerve racking. If you can afford it, paying out of pocket may be needed to find a therapist who is a good fit. The Crisis Text Line is also a helpful resource and can be reached at 741-741. They are great when needing to vent, you can text them to get empathetic support and best of all the connection is not a verbal phone call- for those of us with limited privacy.
3. Plan: Plan as much as possible when dealing with a move or to manage day to day life. If your family members all have different schedules and you orchestrate it all, having a sense of what comes next/ what needs to be done can be very grounding considering all the unknowns that are usually in motion.
4. Let go: Once you have planned for what can be planned, it is time to let go of the rest. Worrying about the things out of our control will not make them any easier to handle. Find ways to cope with the stress of this life: journal, cook, exercise or even the basics of getting enough sleep. Through trial and error figure out which coping skills are realistic for you.
5. Take it easy on yourself : It is so easy to take on several roles in a military family. Be careful not to wear yourself down. There will be times when you cannot magically make everything happen the way you would like it to, and that is okay. Self-compassion and kindness are needed to manage the stress of being a military spouse.

The next post in this series will focus on the career challenges faced by military spouses. I will discuss things like: Will your employer be empathetic to your situation? Is the pay good enough to cover childcare costs? and guilt related to choosing not to work.